Almost a year ago!

I wrote my last entry almost a year ago and it shocks me to see what I have written. I have come so far and yet I have gotten so far behind. Don't get me wrong, I am happy, beyond happy and so greatly blessed. But my walk with Christ has become stagnant and I have allowed it to get that way the the hustle and bustle of life. When I do read the Bible or go to church, I am SO happy and then I get busy and forget how much more full and complete I am in Christ when I seek His face wholeheartedly. He has done so much for me and my loved ones and I have done so little. But thankfully I am redeemed, I am set free. And I do not have to continue in my ways but I choose to turn a new leaf and get things back on track how they should be. I never stopped praying, never stopped talking to Him, never stopped acknowledging Him or His sovereignty, I just have allowed other things to get in the way of 100% Him and it is time to get my priorities back in order. He is so good. Who would have thought that I would be pregnant now? God is so full of surprises and blessings and I am so thankful for my little family. God has given me a wonderful husband that loves me so much and we will soon have a baby and we are just so thankful to God for His many blessings. I only hope to be the best mother and to give my son the unconditional love of Christ! I pray every day that He will be a servant of God, as I know He is made in His image. I know that God is His Father and that Brian and I are only blessed to have the honor of being his parents. YAY for all that God has in store for us. Just thought it was about time for an update. I hope one day down the road that Brian and I will be able to journey back to Peru and to share Peru with our son!

It's been a long time..

I thought I should do something beneficial with my time. So why not share my thoughts, ha ha :)

Yesterday in class we read about the tongue and how we speak blessings and curses from the same tongue. And this is not something that God wants from us because He made everyone in the image of God. Therefore He does not want for us to speak curses to anyone, only blessings.
I think that is a hard lesson to learn in this world and time when everyone has self-image problems because they do not know who they are or where they come from. And since they are insecure in who they are, they must build themselves up by tearing others down.
God made us in His image, therefore we are daughters and sons of the Most High King. We are co-heirs in Christ and we have the promise of God in our hearts. We are princesses and princes and we are not only highly favored, greatly blessed but also deeply loved.
We too often listen to the voices in our heads or the voices of those around us when we should be looking to Christ and His unconditional love for us. We say horrible things to each other and bring pains to one’s heart instead of speaking words of wisdom, encouragement, compassion, and love.

A simple smile can change a person’s life.
Just like a person’s words can change another person’s life.

We have the power to speak blessings or curses with our tongues.
We have the power to speak life into the heart of a person.

We should be building up one another instead of tearing them down.
We should be loving unconditionally rather than selfishly.

Like I said, a hard lesson learned.
But one worth aiming for.

Stateside

I never thought I would be back in the United States right now.
Peru was the adventure of a lifetime and I know that it is not over, I will return one day soon and embrace the ones I love dearly. Those who have forever changed my life and put imprints on my very heart.
The kids at Casa de Paz are like a part of me. I hate the fact that when I return, some of them could be gone forever. I hate that I cannot talk to them on a daily basis and love on them the way that I used too.
And what I hate most is that I should have loved on them more when I was in Peru.
There was so much more that I could have done that I did not and that saddens my heart.
It is so hard to be a missionary.
It is so hard to live a life when so many people put such huge expectations for you that you just feel like you cannot fill.
I hate that people gossip and spread rumors that could totally shatter your reputation.
Everything you built could be gone in one day, one moment.
We should to sacrifice certain things in life and I never wanted to sacrifice the kids.
I would rather sacrifice myself.
Being a House Mother was one of the hardest things I ever did. So physically draining and emotionally rough. But those kids needed someone to take care of them and to love on them and so Heather and I did that to the best of our abilities. We have never been mothers before so we took on a great challenge but I know neither of us would ever had said no, because we wanted those kids in good hands.
The House Mothers that are there now are such amazing women. Women of sacrifice. Women of selfless faith.
The Director of the orphanage is a true blessing. She loves those kids. Truly loves them.
Each one of those kids have unique personalities, their own quirks. They are each affected differently. They are each special to me and to the Lord.
More to come..

Life as we know it

So much has happened and yet I feel as though I have nothing to say.
This month has been a great month, challenging spiritually but God has been faithful in His promises and has really got me trusting His every Word.
I am leaving Peru at the end of July.
I am most likely pursuing my Masters in Business.
If I have learned one thing being here, it is that I need to know how to run a business if I am ever going to have my own orphanage. I need to be knowledgeable in what I am doing.
I am the last person that ever thought I would return to school but it is a wise decision.
I also have to begin paying my loans. They told me December but they lied.
So I am returning to work and do school and look for a job that will give me some sort of experience in the field I am looking to be in.
As you may have also noticed on facebook, I have boyfriend.
We met here last year and only a few months ago did I share the same feelings he had for me. I really feel like God has orchestrated it and with the blessings of Fred and Peggy, we are pursuing a relationship. There are difficulties because of the cultural differences but what I love most is the friendship we have built. It helps us to be honest with each other about things and I am trusting the relationship in God's hands.
I am saddened to leave the kids but I know I will return to Peru. My time is not done here, this season is just coming to an end and I am going to get experience elsewhere for a while.
I am excited to return to my family and my friends. I hope I take what I have learned here and live a different life when I return home.
I never want to be the same as I once was, only to move forward in this journey of life and to live a life for Christ.

Wait

I find myself immersed in the lines scribbled onto a paper, printed into a novel, spoken by the brokenhearted. I feel myself being silenced, as though I am like Ariel who gives her voice to Ursula to find love with Prince Eric. I walk the streets and live my life feeling as though I am in a haze, drained and tired, super sensitive and missing my loved ones and the fact that I cannot call them anytime I want or see them more than I want, ha ha.
My life is written into poetry and lived out by many; it is remembered by few and forgotten by many.
My hearts cry is lying within the lines of songs rapped out for anyone to hear but no one sees. The cry is faint but the longing is real and true and rings clearer than a blue sky without clouds.
Life is a mystery and confusing and difficult and complicated.
But the constant is Jesus. God, my Father, is forever faithful and forever here. He is my strength in weakness and my portion. He fills me up when I feel like I cannot do it anymore. He is my forever Provider, Sustainer, Savior, Redeemer, Best Friend, and He sees me when no one else can and He sees me how no one else can see me. He is my Knight in Shining Armor. He is the One and only and I must choose to live that truth out on a daily basis.
It is so hard to live life as a missionary.
The expectations and standards are so high and challenging.
But all you can do is live and learn, all for Christ and so others may live!

mayo

Although a million things seemed to happen in May, I only blogged 3 times.
Eventually I will feel the need to write my life into the space of this blog
For now, I will leave you with some random Peruvian things.
1. Everyone walks really slow.
2. Everyone drives really fast.
3. The beach is in walking distance.
4. Chicken and rice are the staple foods.
5. Lucuma and Princesa ice cream are amazing!
6. Papas Fritas (french fries) in Peru are the best!
7. There are like 2 stop lights in Pacasmayo.
8. I get honked, whistled, and howled at over 5 times a day if I go outside.
9. There are a lot of gangs here.
10. The only things to really do in the evenings is hang out on the beach.
11. Be careful for muggers.
12. Drinking cokes and water warm is normal.
13. Hanging your clothes to dry is where it's at.
14. Rats and mice are very common.
15. Always check your shoes for scorpions.
16. Futbol games everyday.
17. The process for Everything is more difficult.
18. Cold showers everyday.
19. Finding substitute ingredients is key.
20. Dogs are everywhere.

I experienced my first Earthquake!

Heather and I were sitting on our beds and we felt shaking and I did not think anything of it at first and Heather goes, We're having an earthquake! It was just a slight shake but a very noticeable one. So I called Kevin and the first thing he says is, yeah I felt that too! ha ha! It was far away from here so we just felt a tiny bit of what it was but here's a report on it that we found online today...


A 6.0 Richter scale rattled Northern Peru early today (May 18), at 11:15 p.m. Local Time (4:00 a.m. GMT), according to the Geophysics Institute of Peru.

The epicenter was located at 219 km of depth and 46 away from Bagua Grande, in Amazonas region.

The earthquake was felt in Chachapoyas, Moyobamba, Rioja, Cajamarca, and even in Trujillo, a Northern Coast city located 270 away, reported local media, but no victims have been reported yet.

However, there were reports of some power outages and some adobe (traditional mud-made bricks) houses may have been damaged.

The United States Geological Survey reported an official magnitude of 6 Richter scale and clarifies that it has not issued any tsunami warning.